kick in the door...

As reality started to set in, the job search effort went up exponentially. But even though I probably have resumes out to about 40 or so jobs, I have yet to receive any really solid leads. It wasn't until a conversation with my friend caused me to realize that my problem has never been my skills, effort, or work ethic. My problem lies in getting my foot in the door. And the funny thing is, this trend is not just limited to my job search, but on many aspects of my life. Let me explain.

As far back as I can remember, I have always been pretty shy. However, once you are able to break my mold, or maybe get into my trust zone, I am a pretty loud, outspoken, and maybe even annoying person. haha I will speak my mind, give advice, and possibly not shut up until you tell me to. I will basically spill my guts and talk until every idea is out of my damn head. But, this is only after the ice has been broken and I get comfortable. Breaking the ice has always been a tough thing for me.

Speaking of breaking the ice, let's talk about girls. Girls have never really been my super strong point. And as far as "club game," I would have to pretty much admit that I suck. Club game is basically breaking the ice the entire night with random people, once again, my kryptonite. Get a few drinks in me, and this entire situation changes, but that's not the point of this blog, so I'll talk about that another time. Once again, I have no problems once I actually start talking to someone, but the whole conversation starter part. Death. Sh*t just does not work in my favor. I sometimes wish it did, but its pretty much just luck if it does happen.

Now back to the original topic. Once I get that interview, I am pretty confident that I can nail it and get that job. But getting the interview from my resume seems to be the tough part right now. Getting my foot in that damn door is the huge killer and playing this waiting game pretty mcuh kills me. I know that I can kill that interview, but I just need a chance.

The fucked up part is that I feel this way about a whole lot of shit. Not just the things I mentioned in this blog. I always feel like I am the underdog, and I have a ton to offer the world, but am not always given a fair shot. I guess that is where the determination to prove myself or prove everyone else wrong comes from. The reason that I am never satisfied with things or never pleased. The reason that I may have a chip on my shoulder and get defensive sometimes. But knowing that you are better than what appears on the outside or knowing that there is more than what people physically see, should give you that drive to showcase your talents and abilities.

Slightly off topic. I love my short hair and shaving my head. I am planning on getting a few tattoos. This probably sounds like it does not help my situation too much, but its me. Is it worth sacrificing who you are, just because some people are unwilling to learn who you are? Not in my book.

who are you?

Do you ever wonder why you met someone or why they are a part of your life? We may consider some of our friends/acquaintances/family, the best in the world. But, there are also some people that remain in your life somehow, even if they are probably no good for you. It may sound confusing, but think about it a little bit. Aren't there a few people who you regularly communicate with that really do you no good? Or people that are your friends, but are there mostly to take, take, and take, and never really give back? I'm not talking about physical things like gifts, but more like knowledge, wisdom, etc. The relationship is so one sided that its almost like you are more of a teacher, rather than the friend you are supposed to be.

As I get older and further from the social life of going to bars and clubs on a regular basis, I notice that my social network has significantly shrunk. I find myself hanging out with pretty much the same people all the time. The circle has definitely shrunk. The funny thing is, even though I meet less people now compared to when I was back in college, I am way more selective in who I keep around and who I choose to hang out with. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Shouldn't I have been more selective when I had more people around me? No idea. But when times get a little tough, as I feel they are getting right now in my life, I am curious to see who is going to help me out of this rut and who will basically disappear.