uuuggghhh...

After realizing that I was not the best person to be around last week, I decided to make it a point to fix that situation. Things were going pretty good this week, until tonight. As I was unlocking my car, I saw this stupid motherf*cker sitting in my front seat. I guess he heard the doors unlock and his stupid ass ran out. Needless to say, I was pissed the f*ck off. I got to my car and immediately checked what was missing. He must not have been there long since he only got away with my work bag (which was pretty empty, but a very nice Ben Sherman bag), bluetooth earpiece, and my GPS. Anyway, I hate losing stuff just like anyone else and this pretty much ruined my day! To top it off, the little f*cker was probably high as sh*t cause my car smelled like straight up weed. I wish I could say I remained cool, but I admit, I drove around the block searching for his punk ass, and he would have been hospitalized to say the least.

I called my parents to let them know and being the patient man that he is, my dad told me to calm down and not let my temper take control of me (those who know me best know about my "hulk" like attitude). My mom gave me an earful about checking all my locks and stuff, you know, typical mom worries. But even, then, my blood was still boiling. I am low on carbs, I just finished an exhausting leg workout, and I was starving. 3 things that will guarantee to bring the worst out of anyone.

However, as I took my shower, and began thinking of the situation, it is probably better that he got away from me. I could have done a lot of damage that I would totally regret if I got busted for it, and our economy is in a ginormous hole. Long Beach, or downtown Long Beach, is not exactly the most prestigious area in Southern California, so I will make the assumption that this little sh*t comes from a rundown home. His parents are probably deadbeats who are crackheads themselves, or they have some piss poor job that pays them $7 to do some bs work and are probably gonna get laid off next week. F it, glad I brought some joy to his f'd up house for about an hour. Karma is a b*tch and when I see his punk a*s out there begging for change in a cup, best believe he'll probably get a cup full of saliva from me, rather than a couple nickels.

Sorry to deviate from the fitness update, but I need to vent a bit. Sometimes when you want or need to have a serious conversation with someone, you don't get the feedback or input you would like and have to do your best.

9 weeks and counting...

9 weeks! That is the amount of time left until my first bodybuilding contest. I could lie and say I am not worried about it, but truth is, there is not one day that has passed in the last few months where it has not crossed my mind at least once. So far, everything seems to be going OK. I had one minor setback on my first body composition test after the holidays, but ended up losing that and a lot more during this last test. The stats so far, 192 lbs (with clothes, so we usually go with 3lbs less), 7.9% body fat. That means I have 9 weeks to drop another 5 or so percent of my body fat in order to be ready for the stage.

I read a cool quote the other day, which made perfect sense to me, "Bodybuilding is not about who works the hardest, but who does what is right." Physically, I belive we can all bust our butts at the gym and run for miles and hours on end, but what it all comes down to is DIET. I have hired a coach to help me prepare for this contest, but just like any personal trainer, I only talk or see him a couple hours of my week. Who is there the rest of the time? ME! Everything you do in preparation for this contest, is up to YOU! Who will know when you want to sneak that extra serving of food? YOU! YOU are accountable for all your actions. I think this is what drove me to compete in this contest. I believe bodybuilding/dieting/competing is by far the toughest mental test anyone could put themselves through. No one understands and you will never understand the challenge until you try it for yourself, so I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE anyone who wants to challenge themselves to give it a shot. All my friends reading this, I encourage you folks even more. You have been there for me during this entire time, and nothing will give me more satisfaction than to be on your support team for your contest.

Speaking of friends, I am slowly realizing that this diet is catching up to me a bit and apologize in advance for any events that I miss or for anything mean that comes out of my mouth. To explain this feeling to people, I have used this simple explanation. Think of a time when you were starving to death, and could not eat due to some circumstance. You're stuck in traffic, your friends are late, or the restaurant is packed. How do you feel? Irritable and ready to strangle the next thing that gets in your way right? Now imagine having that feeling about 12 hours of your day. That is basically how most people feel when they are on a restricted nutrition plan aka diet. So if I say anything stupid to you, or get really upset, do not take it personal. It is not an attack on you, it is more of an outburst by me.

That is about all I can think of for now, but I'm going to do my best to keep this thing updated as I go through this process for the 1st time ever.

change...

First blog of 2009. Fun stuff. Every year I set new year's resolutions just like everyone else does, and just like 99% of this world, I FAIL. The art of procrastination happens to be a specialty of mine and before I know it, it is time to set new resolutions. These resolutions seem to change themselves yearly and most things that are planned to be accomplished in the upcoming year go un-done. This year, I am saying f*ck the resolutions and instead, I would like to resolve some outstanding issues in my life. In other words, why try to make changes, when sh*t is not perfect right now. It's kind of like constructing a new building when the land has yet to be cleared. Does that make sense to anyone but me?





My Career


I do NOT hate engineering. I do NOT hate my job. But what I do hate, is the lack of my own interest in what I do. Maybe the old engineer who spoke to me in my first year of engineering knew what he was talking about when he told me every week, "you are too good for this." At the time, I laughed it off as crazy, old man talk. But what he said is now starting to come full circle. He would always say, "you are going to get bored of this, and will want to be challenged." As a first year engineer, my mentality was that I had a long way to go and was still struggling with what was being thrown at me. However, in the last few months of my job, I can honestly say I am bored out of my mind. Everything I learn or I am told does not sit in my head. It is very hard to be successful in something I have no passion in. I always want to exercise every oppurtunity before I give up on something, and sometimes I feel like I am 95% there. The corporate world and the bullsh*t politics are starting to take their toll on me and I am ready to tell it to f*ck off.

My Future

MBA or no MBA? That has been stressing me out ridiculously for the past 2 months. I took the GMAT and scored a decent score. Nothing spectacular, but nothing horrible either. Here's what is killing me. The average cost for the MBA is somewhere between $50-100k, which is a lot of money for something you do not know what you will do with. At first, I saw the MBA as my way out of the boring cubicle life, and into something more exciting, but after further research, I was wrong. I do not really know much about my future, but I do know that the cubicle is not for me. I do not mind paperwork and sitting at a desk, as long as it is not for more than an hour or 2 at a time. My goal for 2009 is to find what I love, what I am good at, and find success with it.

The lovelife

2008 marked something siginificant in my mental health. I found out what it meant to be comfortable with yourself and I found out what self-confidence was. So finally, I was able to be patient and content with being single. As always, you find what you are looking for when you are not looking. Now what if this thing you are looking for or have found has some crazy impenetratable border of security around it and just when you think you have found a kink in the armour, the crazy guard dogs attack and you are back where you first started.

Welcome to 2009.