its not too late...

Like I said yesterday, this year has definitely flew by, and I was feeling like I had accomplished nothing this entire year. Until tonight, when my friend Elisa, pointed something out to me. See, Elisa and I have been having these common thoughts throughout the year, basically going along with the theme of finding our true selves. If nothing, 2009 was definitely a year in which I was able to finally break out of my shell and somewhat act like myself.

I am definitely at the point where I am tired of trying to please my parents and society and just do what I want to do. I tried the whole engineering gig, which was a good job on paper, but something that I really did not enjoy. The hardest part about all of this is the standard of life that I gave myself while earning that engineering money. Now that I am unemployed and starting all over, the entire process is starting to get a little stressful for me. The fear of failure and ending up depending on others to help me live my life, is terrifying. It stresses me out and sometimes I get near that point where I am ready to cave in and go back to where I was miserable, for the sake of making my own income again.

2009 was a year of finding myself and I need to keep that optimistic point of view going into 2010.

32 days...

32 days til 2010. Is it just me, or did 2009 really just fly by? I feel like I have made a lot of new changes in my life and the way I am living life these days, but somehow still feel like it is a work in progress. I mean, are we ever going to be satisfied? Everyone always says those words, but how much truth is there within that statement? It seems like every time I feel like I am doing something right, something else comes along and I feel like I am doing everything wrong, and it is time to start from scratch all over again (I am sure some of you who read this saw my twitter/facebook post about this a few days back). Anyway, the most important thing going on in my life right now is my pending career change. I am making the move from the cubicle to something that is more personally fulfilling. The goal is to be a physical therapist, but who knows where I will end up once I finish all those science pre-requisites. All I know, is that my passion lies in the health industry.

But speaking on living life, why is it human nature for all of us to critique each other's lives? Why do we always feel the need to help other people with how they are living their life? Is it really our business? We all make choices based on what WE feel is in our best interest, but there is always some person out there who will tell you that you are wrong. But are your really wrong? How can something you feel good about be wrong? Being a stubborn mf'er myself, I will argue my choies til the death of me. It may sound stupid, but sometimes, I would rather learn the consequences myself, rather than hear about what COULD happen. That is what makes life interesting and fun. Its what causes emotions,feelings, and gives us excitement. If you want to irritate me and see my mood change instantly, try telling me what to do or how to live my life. The smoke will start flowing from my ears and nostrils. haha

Anyway, had a great weekend back in nor cal seeing all my friends and family. I definitely miss the company and comfort of nor cal, but know that I have unfinished business still down here in so cal. The drive back was a long, dark and cold one, but I had a lot of good music that I had forgotten about keeping me company. Had that Alicia Keys song on repeat for a few spins, and can't wait for that new album to come out.

random unspoken word...11/13 - 11/15

-I need friends and family in my life. I don't care if my friends are not successful, if they hate working out, or are content with working in a cubicle for the rest of their lives. They are my friends because of who they are, and how they make me feel, not because they can hook me up with something.









-Manny Pacquiao destroyed Miguel Cotto this weekend. Cotto was beat by a better fighter; plain and simple. Anyone who thinks Cotto ran away from Pacquiao is an idiot. Cotto was knocked down twice by the 4th round and was clearly affected by Pacman's speed. If you were knocked down twice and could not see your opponent's punches coming, can you honestly say you wouldn't be a little more cautious while fighting? Didn't think so.





-Once again, the topic of marriage and kids seems to come up in my recent conversations with friends. No, not me getting married or having kids, but my friends. I'd say its almost evenly split between one half being ready and the other half being far from ready. In any case, the most interesting bit of conversation went like this:

"How'd you know she was the one?"
"I don't know." (laughs all around the table) "Wait, its like an 80/20 thing. 80% is good and 20% is bad. But the 20% is not so bad anymore."
"You mean, you can like brush off that 20% and it doesn't bug you?"
"Yeah, pretty much."

haha...i thought that was pretty funny and a good way to put it...

sh*t don't fit!

during my morning cardio this morning, i had a very interesting conversation about fashion with the manager of one of those trendy boutique stores here in long beach...and aside from talking about what her occupation entails and style in general, we got to talking about the public perception of the human figure...

something i pointed out/realized was that 20 years ago...what was considered skinny is now considered average...society is supposed to advance as time goes right?...but what about the human figure?...yes, our athletes are getting bigger, faster, and stronger, but why are our models getting thinner, weaker, and looking more worn out?...i could probably go on and on with the numerous health problems they may all have, but that would be stating the obvious...c'mon...how many models have you seen photographed with a cigarette in their mouth or a drink in their hand?...probably far more than any pictures of them eating a burger or working out...

but the problem doesn't really lie with these models lifestyles, its the image that women are now trying to live up to...and its not just at home staring in the mirror...it is everywhere...from magazine covers, to the clothing stores...have you noticed how the new styles in womens fashion seem to gravitate towards the rail thin, and the more regular size women are being forced to shop or purchase clothing that either may not necesarily fit them correctly or that they are not 100% completely happy with...but when these ladies hit up that clothing store and the size 2 that fit them a few years ago no longer fits, even though they have not really gained weight, imagine the psychological effect that it has on them...not necesarily their fault that a size 2 now is more like a size 0 from a few years back...

i see nothing wrong with these 2 "average" size girls below..do you?...;)

we are, yes i said it, we are...

last night, i was able to partake in one of the best concerts i have been to in my entire life. JAY-Z! aside from the amazing performance on stage, jay-z's life is a site to behold. this man is a multi-millionaire, entrepreneur, and pretty much the face of hip hop to the mainstream. everyone from oprah to the president admire this man, so when he has something to say, most of us should probably pay attention and try to get the message.

the CLEAR message to me last night, was to follow your dreams no matter what. ignore the haters and do what you believe in. i seem to have these frequent episodes, where my confidence gets shaken. and up until this morning, it never really registered who my haters were. haters are not just the people who get in the way or tell you that you are crazy for what you are thinking. haters are the people who do NOT believe in you. haters are those friends and family members who try to talk you out of what you are trying to do. what makes them different? friends and family are the people who are SUPPOSED to believe in you. friends and family are the ones who are supposed to stick with you through thick and thin. friends and family are the ones who have the biggest influence in your life. who cares if john or jane doe says that you can't do it. when your best friend or your mom or dad or sibling says you can't do it, that is the opinion that sticks. that is the opinion that is going to sit in your head and slowly destroy your self-confidence.

so yes, these people are the most important people in your life, but you also must realize that these people can also be haters. haters aren't just strangers sharing their opinion. haters are also people who think that they are helping you by giving you advice, when in reality, they are right there with their foot on your back holding you down.