from bench warmer to all star...

As I was having a conversation with my roommmate regarding her current job, something I typed to her reminded me of my hatred of big companies and corporate America. Not to say that I would never enter that world again if the opportunity came up, but I would probably be a little bit more observant of my role with the company. It seems like my friends are all starting to make it in their particular fields and I am happy for them. We all deserve the feeling of being noticed and wanted at our places of employment. What about me? Maybe I got a few glimpses of it, but not enough to warrant my happiness. Let me use a basketball analogy to describe my employment.

I came into my company as a 2nd round draft pick. Small time college, slightly above average game, but enough natural skill to be considered. Ended up making the team as a back up back up. 2/3rd string. After one season, role changed significantly and moved up to full on 2nd string. Next season, ready to challenge for the starting spot. But due to a veteran free agent signing, relegated back to the bench, even though I was deserving of a starting spot. Showed up big at a few games when the veteran got into foul trouble or hurt and even led the way to a few victories. Coach ended up having to leave for personal reasons and assistant coach stepped in and gave me shine. Things were looking promising for the upcoming free agency, but then the league decided to go on strike and lock out (aka economy crapped out).

That's pretty much my synopsis of my previous job. I got a few chances, and while I succeeded in those chances, something out of my control came in and damaged them. Basically, I didn't catch any good breaks. One of them being the one engineer on a brand new project, only to have it cancelled when funding for it fell through. Anyway, it always put me back into square one, when I felt like I was steadily climbing.

Now, when it came to the lay-offs, I had mixed feelings. Part of me still wanted that big break, to get noticed by someone higher up there, or just given a chance to showcase my skills. But another part of me was fed up with being given the low-end jobs, minimal responsibility, and the same old role that most engineers were given. Basically, I did not want to end up the 60 year old engineer, not management, but high level, making that steady pay check. What is the point of that? Money is just money to me. I'd rather be doing things. Give me sh*t to do!!!!!

Now as the economy crumbled, I noticed that a lot of people downgraded their expectations of themselves to being normal again. People were starting to be content with staying exactly how they were because of the fear that the economy had stricken to them. I have to admit, that I went into a rut where being normal was almost acceptable again. The part about not making money and collecting government checks (check out my friend Jumbo's blog at http://team860.blogspot.com for a fellow unemployed person's view on life), was no longer cutting it for me. But as I emailed with my roommate this morning about her current position, it made me realize that I have gotten myself out of that rut. Normal is not ok. Maybe ditching corporate America altogether was a bit of a stretch, but it does not mean that I am settling to a steady paycheck and a job I hate for the rest of my life. I will not be one of those people who will change their character and attitude to make others happy. I want to be myself and succeed with what I know best and being my own person. I believe that it is not an impossible task and I will find a way to make that happen, or I'll definitely die trying.