homebody...

Last Friday was Halloween, and guess what I did? I sat at home and watched a DVD that I rented from one of those $1 kiosks. Rewind it to one year earlier, and I probably would have been out somewhere, completely wasted out of my mind, and yelling out random, beligerent things. Funny how one year can change the priorities in your life. While I have not completely written off partying and getting drunk, it no longer appeals to me in the way that it once did. Why? I have no idea.

However, all of these changes seem to stem from the fitness lifestyle that has now taken over my life. I am supposed to be "offseason" right now, which is the relaxing time of being a bodybuilder, but the thought of standing in a speedo in front of hundreds of people in a few months, scares the shit out of me. I have to eat quality calories and workout hard 5 days out of the week. And when given the choice between sleep and party, sleep has been winning the bottle. Plain and simple, I am exhausted from the work week, and I find more excitement in staying at home resting, then out spending my money at the bars. Boring, but necessary.

Aahhh. I have no idea what I am doing and what is next. In fact, I am starting to forget the reason behind why I even started this blog or what I have been writing about. But I guess that is pretty much sums up how my life is right now. I do not feel like I am in one place and do not feel like I can stay in one place. Commitment is a word that is completely irrelevant to anything in my life, except for myself. Most people call this "finding themselves," but I think I have found myself and do not know where to go next.